I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
