dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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