Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
