Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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