I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
