i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
