just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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