i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
