I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
