i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
