I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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