She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
