I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
