I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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