Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
