Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
