we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
