are you so shy because you have an std?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
