I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
