This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
