just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
