Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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