I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
