Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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