im six kinds of drunk right now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
