I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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