So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
