'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's official drugs can't kill me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
