All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
