I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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