So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
