i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
