You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
