your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
