worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
