we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
