Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
