everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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