How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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