apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry about my life...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
