last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
