Can i not drive my cunt home
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
