Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
