At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sober January is a disaster.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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