She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
