i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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