My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
