a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
