Can i not drive my cunt home
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
