He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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